Betrayal is such a strong word. We have all been betrayed in one form or another by all sorts of people, family, friends, coworkers and significant others. Those are the ones that we seem to dwell on and that change or lives. Betrayal can be devastating and there are all forms of it and sides to it. I have experienced many kinds of betrayal from all kinds of people. It has caused me to be guarded and hesitant when dealing with people.
I saw this quote I have pictured above the other day and saved it and have thought about it a lot. Have you thought about how you have betrayed yourself? So I sat and thought about this and what damage I have done to myself. When did it start and how deep did my own betrayal to myself go?
I remember that every time I have betrayed myself I felt a hit to my own gut. Every time I compromised my own beliefs I betrayed myself. When I knew that something was wrong and I said nothing and did nothing I betrayed myself. When I looked the other way and said nothing I betrayed myself.
I have had people smile, giggle under their breathe when I speak up. Mostly it is because for whatever reason people don’t like to speak up. I have found that when I don’t I feel ill and have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror. When I decided to take my life back over five years ago now I promised myself that I was not going to not be myself anymore. I decided that whether people liked it or not I was going to speak out and up for those who can not for what ever reason. I am not politically correct or clean mouthed depending on the situation. I am not Willy Wonka and I don’t sugar coat anything for anyone! If you do not want to hear the truth please don’t ask me. It physically pains me to bite my tongue and keep my mouth shut.
I know that those that don’t know me personally might think that I am not who I say I am. I promise you that I am! If you ever saw the movie “Micheal” with John Travolta. I identify with the Micheal character in the movie. I say things that people don’t want to hear but need to.
I very rarely keep my mouth shut. I have learned how to use my words in a way that some people don’t even know what hit them and walk away with a smile. I refuse to betray who I am just to please someone else no matter who it is. I value myself to much to betray myself anymore.