After 44 years and all I have been through I can honestly say that I have no interest in looking back or going back to something that didn’t serve my positively in the past. This is the first time in my life that I have truly felt this way.
I can honestly say that I have learned from all the good and bad situations and I do reflect occasionally on the past but I do not dwell on it nor do I care to go back to any of those situations.
I truly miss my Grandparents and wish I could have spent more time with them. They taught me more then I even realized when I was kid and now that I am older they are with me everyday.
Some of the toughest lessons though have been learning who my friends are and who I can count on. People say way to much to serve their own purpose and aren’t really on your side. I see that now more then ever.
I read a quote the other day and I don’t know who said it but “Don’t ask me to trust you, I am still coughing up water from the last time you let me drown.” It seems to me these days that everyone has arterial motives for what ever reason. I have adopted something and I am sure that someone will have a issue with it but my friendship is a one shot deal. I know that sounds terrible but If for what ever reason you throw me to the wolves do not expect me to take you back into my pack. We can be acquaintances but never friends. I have a very small group of those.
I am not halfway through my life yet and I have wasted so much time on people who are just simply not worth my time. I don’t go back to failed relationships because if it didn’t work once it is not going to work again. I know everyone deserves a second chance but I have done that my whole life with devastating consequences. It does not mean do not forgive and forget.It simply means I won’t trust you again. So call me what you like I am living my life for me and raising my children my way(single mom to long) and I have no time for drama, lies and betrayal and those who do not want to truly add value to my life.
So for me there is only forward and no looking back. I may sound cold to you but I have no interest in self defeating by allowing those who hurt me back into my circle.