Moving on!

I was hesitant about posting this this morning. I still sometimes find myself worried about what others think. I still worry about hurting someones feelings. After some perspective today I decided to be honest with myself and share what I write no matter what.

I know some people may say that this saying doesn’t apply to them because they are still friends with their ex. While I have said this myself and have felt this way at one time about a ex I really don’t think it is true.

That relationship didn’t survive for a reason or maybe multiple reasons. Personally I have found that a relationship didn’t work out for not just one reason but multiple reasons.

Do some people try again and make it work a second time? Yes I am sure they do. Personally once a relationship is over for me that is it. I can remain friends with my ex for the most part but that is as far as it goes.

I really don’t find a purpose in punishing myself again by dating someone a second time. If it didn’t work the first time then why go through all the pain and agony of trying again.

 

 

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No

Why is this so hard to understand? NO! I have told different people no for different reasons and sometimes I cave especially when it comes to my children. When it comes to adults I have a hard time understanding why No is so difficult to understand.

When saying No for some is like a opening to  start working on convincing me to change my mind. Growing up I remember being told No was the end of the discussion. I still feel that way. After being with a true narcissist for over seven years I got so sick of being manipulated that I don’t allow it anymore.

The freedom of saying NO is absolutely freeing. I don’t allow myself to be used and manipulated anymore and it is making me a stronger and happier person.

Do you say NO? If not why not?

What are you teaching your children?

I was raised by people who loved me and taught me things everyday. They kept me safe and exposed me to different cultures and helped me to live through grace and love.

Not all children get the opportunity to be loved and allowed to grown in a safe environment. Others have parents who are not strong enough to take care of themselves let alone to be strong enough to raise a child.

I have been criticized for how I am raising my boys. I am tough and am not a new age parent who wants to be their friend. However I find a great value in speaking to my children with the knowledge that they are smart and know what is going on. Guiding them in making smart decisions about their own life.

I have a small farm with horses, dogs and barn cats. I believe that giving  children responsibility of another life is a great way to teach them the value of life and how the world works.

Teaching responsibility of caring for a animal by feeding, watering and general care teaches so much more responsibility  then just cleaning their room. I could have chosen a different way to raise my boys but I feel that teaching them to love a animal will be a life long benefit.

Do you respect yourself?

In the last 14 months I have cut out more people from my life that I never thought I would. These people have caused so much pain to not only myself but my family that it was necessary to do what is best for me and my mental well being.

Looking back and really analyzing what my life was like with those people in my life and now that they are gone it is like night and day. I can truly say that I am happier and at peace without all the drama in my life.

I almost wish I would have done it a long time ago. I have sat and thought about why I was so blinded by what was going on right in front of my face? I don’t think if it as regret but more of “Damn I was dumb!” If I would have followed my gut and stood up for myself and walked away from the drama, the betrayal, the bullshit a long time ago how much different would things have been. Then I stop thinking that way cause its stupid and am thankful for all I have been through because I wouldn’t be who I am without all that experience. I also wouldn’t have the good people in my life I have now.

I have learned that respecting myself is one of the best things that I can do for not only myself but for my children. I no longer tolerate the lies and garbage I once did. All those that have used me and taken advantage of me have all but eliminated from my life. There may be a few stragglers but for the most part I have cleansed my life and for the first time in a extremely long time feel good about myself and my future.

I stand for no crap from anyone anymore and those who know me know that I will speak my mind and stand up for those who can not stand up for themselves.

When we respect ourselves we tend not to tolerate the lies and bullshit that sometimes seep into our lives. Having self respect is the key and I wish I would have learned that earlier but better late then never.

What is important to you?

After a very sobering visit with my Grandfather today I had a very long drive home. I stopped at my Grandmother’s grave side. It is hard to believe that she has been gone almost five years.

I see and talk to people all the time that I wonder what happened to them and if they know what is really important to them. I see people throw away years of marriage because of countless reasons and ruin lives because they do not know either how to be truly happy or know what is important in life.

I truly miss my three Grandparents every single day. They were such a huge part of my life and I sometimes feel like I need them now more then ever.

After all I have been through in my life I have come to realize what is important to me. Having those I love around me and taking care of my kids like my Grandparents did is becoming so important especially now.

Our lives have become so busy and when we think we are becoming more connected we are actually becoming more disconnected with those we love. I want to make sure that my children know what is important to me and why I do what I do. Spending time teaching them everything I know is my job.

I am not about making tons of money. I am more about loving those I care about and doing what I can for them to let them know I love them and am there for them. This is what is important to me. I wonder what is important to you?

Christmas

What does Christmas mean too you? December has always been a important month in my family. My Grandfather’s birthday is the 11th and on the other side of my family all three of my Grandmother’s grandchildren’s birthday are in December. Then I remember plenty of time spent at church decorating the church, Christmas programs and special services. I also remember dressing up and going to lot’s of parties.

Now things have quieted down a lot. I do not spend as much time at church and as much time running around. I got to a point that it was all to much for me and I regressed back to my house.

Now I spend a lot of time in my kitchen baking and cooking and lot’s and lot’s of family time and quality time with those I love. I crank the holiday music and the kitchen becomes a huge mess but by the time I am done Christmas goodies are boxed up and ready to be delivered and I am exhausted.

I used to be one of those Black Friday shopping women who had to get the deal and spent money that was such a waste. I now bake and give it all away. I feel like people appreciate it more and I feel better then I did shopping.

I challenge you to take some time this season to add a special touch to what you give others for the holidays. Give more of you instead of your money. If we truly want to make the world a better place it must start with each individual.

Christmas to me is about family and spending time with those you love and not on how much we can spend. Share your smile and share your passion and spread your love.

Repeating History?

With all that is going on in the world right now take a moment and stop and remember what today is. December 7th and what happened in 1941. Can we not learn from our past? Or are we destined to repeat it and in doing so do more damage. We have to stop living in fear of everything and do what we do as a country. Protect the weak and get rid of evil. We must stop fighting among ourselves before terrorism destroys us.

We somehow have become so obsessed by being offended by every tiny thing about each other instead of embracing our differences and living with grace and understanding.

No one wants to take away guns from normal people. Leaders want to protect us by evaluating those who have terror connections and have mental illness.

We are a awesome country with incredible resources and some of the best trained military in the world. We need to be aware of our surroundings and help each other instead of bashing each other and promoting hate.

We are a strong smart powerful nation I just wish we would start showing it.

 

 

 

Love or Wanted?

I have looked for love my whole life with no success. I have this inherent need to feel wanted. That put me into really unhealthy relationships, most of the time I do not feel wanted or needed. I think maybe it is because I have been used so much by every man I have ever had a relationship with.

I know my children and parents love me and want me and need me, but finding love and feeling wanted by a partner is something that I have not found.

Being alone even in relationships my whole life have left me even more lonely then if I would have been single. When you are single you don’t have expectations and no one to let you down. Every long lasting relationship I have had I was cheated on, lied to, used and abused in just about every way you can think of.

I don’t blame the men I was with for all of it and not every one was a abusive relationship but different forms of cheating and misuse were there. I take full responsibility for tolerating the bullshit that I was put through. I should have put my foot down a long time ago but I don’t know if I would be the same person I am today.

I decided after my last failed relationship that I was done for while and I was taking time for myself and my boys. I want to not just be wanted but to be loved. Not like in the movies but in a real relationship. Someone who will take me for who I am and stand up for me when I am being attacked. I am looking for the best friend I have never had. Finding someone who I trust and can tell all my secrets too. Someone who knows I will always be there for them.

I have said that who ever I end up with will be extremely lucky not because I am that awesome but because I have done so much for those that didn’t deserve it I can’t imagine what I will do for someone who deserves it.

Dare to be different

Since Fallon Taylor burst back on to the scene a few years ago she has stood out from the crowd. She has been criticized by others for her difference in fashion and not being like everyone else.

I respect her so much for all she has survived and overcome. She has not only trained and breed some of the industries most amazing horses but has created her own brand that is becoming very successful. Oh and she was Wrangler National Finals Barrel Racing Champion 2014!

Her style has been ridiculed that it is too much and many have no problem voicing their opinion about her style. She has helped boost small entrepreneurs launch their business by wearing their products and putting them on a national stage. Now even though people still talk about how they don’t like what she wears more and more girls to full grown women love her style and are wearing them with pride.

I love to see her win but no matter win or loose she always has a smile on her face.

I love everything about her. I have never been one to get all crazy over celebrities but there is more to Fallon Taylor and that is what makes her so amazing to me. She is a incredible horse woman and entrepreneur. I think part of her appeal is that she stands out. I do not like to fit in and be like everyone else and that is I think is why I admire her so much.

I challenge you in no matter what you do in life to stand out from the crowd and not to follow the crowd. Be gracious and kind to everyone and not to judge anyone.

I hope one day to meet her and be able to tell her what a inspiration she is to me as a horse woman, a entrepreneur and person.

I know!

Assuming that I am ignorant to your bad behavior never sees es to amaze me. I talked about this just the other day on my Facebook. I have done some cleansing recently of the supposed friends on my social media account. Thinking that I am unaware of your betrayal is complete stupidity on your part.

Have you ever taken a personality test? I have taken several over the years and I know that unlike most people I am what they call a INFJ. I am more aware of lying and others motives. I feel more then most and this is part of the reason why I seek solitude from people because it is so draining for me to be around most people.

I am very aware when people have arterial motives and lie straight to my face. I do tend not to call people out on it right away. The older I get the more I tend to let things play out and let them hang themselves. It almost always happens.

So if you know people who lie and are deceitful do yourself a favor and let things play out and let them out themselves. It is more entertaining then you might think. Always be prepared to out them if they seem to be getting away with their bull but I am a sound proponent of letting someone hang themselves.

So be patient and know that Karma works on her own schedule and make some popcorn and wait and watch.