Personal Growth

Over the last 60 days I have had a unbelievable amount of stress and after doing what I learned a very long time ago which was follow my gut I finally got to the bottom of some things.

I hold myself to a high moral standard and with that comes a lot of loneliness. I have had to eliminate a lot of people  from my life that I thought would always be there for me. It has lead me to follow my instincts and study human behavior because I can spot lying and betrayal out of thin air. I am rarely if ever wrong.

I know more than I say and see more than you think. Those that know me know I don’t hold my tongue and I don’t hold back what I think in my head. I am unlike most women you know.

If you are fake and your intentions are untrue and not honorable I will see right through you. This leads me to be a lone a lot. On the other hand those who I let in and I am close with know they have no greater advocate to stand up for them and by them when they are weak or ill or unable to stand up to bullies and manipulators.

Please don’t tell me you can handle me. I am not a person that can be handled. I have heard that from a lot of men. They all failed and most ended up calling my mother to figure out what to do with me. Which in itself makes me laugh.

With every event in my life I use it as a growth experience not only for myself but my children and those who are involved. When we go through rough times what do you do with the experience? Do you let it destroy you or do you learn from it and grow? Do not give someone else power over you to destroy you! Take it and look at it and see what happened and use it to better yourself. Life is about learning and growth.



Real Women

I see it all the time. Are there real women out there. You know the ones who don’t complain about everything can juggle is all are happy to make the men in their life happy, who like sex with their man and who have a zest for life. You know the ones who manage it all, cooking, cleaning, children, her work, her partner and still have fun in  life or are they just a myth?

I truly think this culture we have now has promoted so much independence that it has created selfish people with no regards for anyone but themselves. Yes it is important to make yourself happy but that doesn’t mean it is to come at a cost to those you love.

I see it all the time and hear from others complaining about their spouses or ex’s . It saddens me. I wonder what goes through those peoples minds about what they think their purpose in life is. If we aren’t here to love and help one another and have a good time then why are we here?

We all have our own interests and things we care about but that doesn’t mean that we have to be a bitch to do our own thing. It is okay to be good at things and not go after a man because of his money. Say what you mean and don’t lie and hide and be deceitful in any of your relationships. I would rather die knowing I didn’t bite my tongue and people knew where I stood on everything then thinking I was one way when I was hiding who I truly was my whole life.  Do not be afraid to be real and honest the right people will love you no matter what. The others were just there to see what you had to offer or what they could take from you.

Liking yourself

In my journey to liking myself I have come to realize more and more that I am a lot different than other women my age. I am mortified by the depletion of morals and values by women in my age range.

Acting like a whore and sleeping with everyone when married makes me want to vomit and the amount of men that have persuade me while they were married blows my mind. What happened to values and respecting yourself? I have never been that woman, the one who was more interested in immediate gratification then in waiting for the right person.

I not only like myself more but respect myself to the point that I would rather spend my time alone then be in a relationship with people who are only out for a quickie.

I have worked really hard to find myself again and like who I see in the mirror so I will not take any chances on lowering my standards. I am not putting myself on a pedestal but I remember being taught right from wrong as a child and then being raised by good people I want them to be proud of me.

Liking yourself has to start with being able to look in the mirror and liking what you see. I don’t always like how I look and am working on that but I like you I am and that is much more important. If people don’t like me it usually comes from the fact I challenge them in a way they are not comfortable with. When I make people uncomfortable they then run and say awful things about me in hopes to make me unappealing to others. It almost always back fires on them.

I don’t bite my tongue and say what I think. It does not mean that I am disrespectful just honest and most people can’t deal with that. So take a moment and look in the mirror past what you look like today and decide to you like who you are? Liking yourself is the first step toward freedom from the pains of your past.


Having self-esteem is something I think we have always struggled with from time to time. I have went through periods in my life that I didn’t even look in a mirror for more then a split second to make sure that I looked presentable and then turned away from it.

I seem to struggle more now then I used to. My personality is INFJ  and so I tend to be harder on myself then normal. I’m a perfectionist who is trying to reform myself and it is a daily struggle. I have noticed that I have missed things because I can’t  leave things undone. My house, laundry, barns everything cleaned and put away has become a obsession. I see it as a direct reflection of myself which to me reflects my self-esteem.

When I decided to take my life back over 7 years ago it was a long process that is still a ongoing process but the difference now is I welcome the change and know that it will boost my self-esteem. I know that the reason why I don’t have very many close female friends is because I scare other women. I take no crap and I don’t hold my tongue. I don’t care what others think of me and I stand up for those who have been wronged with no regard for those who hurt them.

Self-esteem for me doesn’t come from others. Some days I feel awful like a lot of us do but most days I know that I have life by the horns and while others from my past still seek to destroy me I know that I will come out on top and that good will always win and whatever life throws at me it better be prepared for what I throw back! I have a hell of a left hook!